My brain hurts

I think I’m tired.

Why am I tired, one might ask?  I’m tired because sometimes I just can’t shut this brain of mine off.  It just works overtime.  And, the most tiresome task my brain takes on…is analyzing.

I’m an avid analyzer…of people, that is.  Man oh man, I tell ya.  I can pick apart all of it.  The way someone looked at me.  The tone of their voice.  The way they said “Hi”, or didn’t say hi.  Something that was done.  Something that was said.  Even the major decisions someone makes in their lives.  There are times when my brain kicks into high gear to try to piece it all together, and try to make the words and actions make sense to me.  As though their issues concern me.  I make them my concern.

You might be having a bad day.  My response, (in my brain, that is)…what did I do wrong?  What did I do wrong??!!  Hello…it’s not about you, Mary.  I think this hit me today as I was talking to some dear friends of mine.  I was referring back to a “self focused” time in my life.  I said something like, “You know…I thought the moon followed me everywhere I went.”

Well, then it hit me this afternoon.  You’re there right now, Mar.  The moon’s following you cause you’re making everyones issues about you…so, have a nice walk and we’ll see ya when you get back.

If this sounds crazy to you, well, it does to me too.  It’s OK though.  This seems to be a seasonal thing with me.  Not seasonal as in Summer, Spring, Winter, Fall.  Seasonal being…I’m in a season of analyzing right now.  You ever been there?  I know you have.

So, as I’m rambling on in this post, I’m realizing that it really is  a tiresome grind to try to figure people out.  And, I think there’s a reason for that.  It’s not my job.  That’s so easy to say.  Not so easy to do.  Like I said, my brain works overtime.  For example: I’m wondering how the few people who might read this post will respond.  I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I was thinking of them that they might be thinking I’m thinking of them and that’s why I wrote this 😉

Ya see how crazy this sounds?

I’m so glad no one else struggles with this.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”                                                                            Philippians 4:6-7

Seasons Of Change

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

And so begins the season of blogging. I can add it to the abundance of seasons my life has seen over the years.

You’ve probably heard it said many times. You know, you’re talking to a friend, they share their heart and end by saying, “It’s just a season I’m going through. ” Or, “That was another season in my life.” It’s such a common saying, yet so profound in it’s ability to help us classify the purpose and times of our lives. Ya see…I need that. Because when I look back at the myriad of changes in my life, especially since Christ saved me, it’s mind boggling, and sometimes very confusing. Then I read Ecclesiastes 3:1…”To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” As I go on to read the next 7 verses, each season written there, no matter how base or common they may seem to me, can come alive with purpose. I can take each one and apply them somewhere in my life. But this time, due to my current season, I got myself caught up on verse 5…”A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones…”. Cast away stones? Gather stones? What could possibly be “stones” in my life? So, of course, I went to my very own bible answer man, my husband Chris. I said, “Honey, what do you think the stones in Ecclesiastes 3:5 are referring to?”. His response was so simple. “Well Mary, back then they would have cleared the stones out of a field in order to prep it for planting. Or, they would have collected stones to build a house or a wall…that sort of thing.” DING! Hold the phone?!! That’s it! Why else would I have stumbled on the stones in verse 5? (No pun intended) This is the season I’m in right now. I’m feeling as though the land of my heart, my mind, and my very life, is being cleared…prepped in a sense for what’s ahead. Now, this isn’t easy in any way, shape, or form. In fact it’s been rather painful. The changes that have been coming upon myself, and infiltrating the life of my family seem to be so many, and very quick in their succession. My reaction to these changes can tend to be emotional, or shall I say over reactive. But, if I can put this time into a “season”, well then…seasons change, right? Even though God’s job of removing stones from my life may seem labor intensive and down right tiring at times, it’s such a good and perfect work. You see, as He’s doing that I can be gathering stones to build upon…His grace, mercy, peace, patience, and His never ending love. Don’t you think those can work as stones to gather? I don’t know…works for me. I like that. God is good.

Oh wait, the verse goes on to say, “A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” The “refrain from embracing” actually means to be far from it. Now, I believe this is referring to many different embraces, such as parents embracing their children, one brother embracing another, or friends embracing. But why would we ever stop embracing? Can’t we just love one another? Can’t we all just get along? All ya need is love, right? Yet it is true, that there are some seasons that are so heartbreaking, so tearing between people, that the embracing needs to stop. Well, maybe not stop….it’s just far from us. Man! I really don’t like that one. It causes me to realize something. If I’m living for myself…giving into my flesh and my pride. I’m not spending time with the Lord like I should, and He’s not the priority in my life, of course I’m going to feel far from Him. It’s not that He’s left me, it’s that His embrace is far from me. Well, I think that would be for my own good. When we stop our wanderings and turn back to Him, guess what? He’s standing there, arms open wide…big hug.

So, as I said in the beginning, this is a season of blogging. I love to write, or you may call it babbling if you like. My prayer is that this blog would be a blessing to our Calvary Chapel Healdsburg women’s ministry, and anyone else who feels so inclined to read.

Blessings to you all in the Name of our Lord Jesus